Movie Review: Dark Shadows

This film doesn’t know what it wants to be, one thing is clear and that is that this film is one of Tim Burton’s weakest. The plot follows Barnabas Collins(Johnny Depp), who after spurning the affections of his main Angelique(Eva Green), he sadly finds out she is a witch. She makes the love of his life kill herself and then transforms him into a vampire so he may suffer forever, then leaves him buried in a casket. Two hundred years pass and it’s not 1972, he is dug up by some unfortunate construction workers who Barnabas feeds on once he is freed. He returns to his family home which is now belongs to the family matriarch Elizabeth(Michelle Pfeiffer), her brother(Johnny Lee Miller) and his son David, her daughter(Chloe Moretz) and their psychiatrist(Helena Bonham Carter). He finds our Angelique is still alive and has been tormenting the family for the last two hundred years.

The movie was based off the wildly popular 70′s soap also named Dark Shadows. The film though could have been a great movie if it didn’t have so much on its plate. There is simply too much here. The film starts off like a fish out of water comedy, but has horror elements, action elements and everything else all jammed inside. It’s so much to bounce off of that the movie never settles down, it just rushes to the third act and then it ends. They needed to decide what the film was instead of trying to give us a full plate. The sad thing is that there is a lot of good within the ramble.

Johnny Depp is hilarious, he plays this character just so right that it’s simply fun to watch. Eva Green is also a joy to watch as she eats up her over the top villain dialogue. Visually the film is beautiful and fun to look at many times. This is not enough to hold on to though, the film should have just focused on the family, they were fun and interesting. Instead we get them only in little snippets, at no time does it feel like a family. Depp and Green are so good together it’s hard to say that I almost wish that story line was cut out. A simple gothic fish out of water/family comedy would have really worked.

The worst part of this film is the “love story” which is so badly done it just brings the movie crashing to the ground. We meet Victoria who I guess is a reincarnation of his lost love, but yet she and Depp get less than I’d say five minutes of screen time together. First off they are odd looking since she looks like she’s around twenty years old and Depp is forty. But they never give the love story any time to grow, yet we’re suppose to care. It’s so badly handled and just a waste of time.

Another huge problem is Barnabas is not very sympathetic, he sleeps with women and doesn’t care. He murders over twenty people. The movie simply shrugs this off which I found odd. Like I said before there is no balance. We get jokes, then death, then a cute set piece, than a third act filled with action. It just never really works. I really wish Burton just picked one direction and stuck with it. If he did we would have a beautiful and most likely great film. As it stands you’ll find yourself scratching your head at many scenes.

It’s a shame because with all the talent in front of and behind the camera, this should have been knocked out of the park. Instead it’s just a mess. Now there are bright spots, some set pieces are great, Depp and Green are a lot of fun. The film even winks at a possible sequel which I doubt will ever see. I say that because even though it’s a Burton film, it doesn’t feel like he put everything into this. It’s a shame really it could have been so much more.

Rating: 5/10

Movie Review: The Dictator

This movie is not like Sasha Baron Cohen’s other flicks, unlike Borat and Bruno this film has a plot. Cohen plays Admiral General Aladeen, a dictator of a fictional nation named Wadiya. As his nation tries to build a nuclear weapon, Aladeen must travel to the UN to make his case of why his country should be left alone. While in New York he is captured by a somewhat racist assassin, who before trying to torture him, cuts his beard off. Aladeen escapes and befriends a feminist who runs a Vegan grocery store, he falls in love with her while trying to prove he is the real leader of Wadiya as an imposter sits in his place.

Frankly the plot of the film doesn’t really matters, the movie is a little over 80 minutes long. So you know there isn’t exactly much plot going on. The fun comes from the very crude humor that comes from Aladeen, he is a racist, he does not respect women. Yet somehow as he makes fun of some stereotypes he yet is still able to poke fun at how racist and confused America is. One of the greatest moments is when Aladeen simply explains how America runs like it’s under a dictatorship from the rich. Very funny stuff.

To me the best jokes were not the obvious one’s. The film has no real balance. The crude sexual humor jokes run really cold actually. The film is at it’s funniest at the very beginning and when Aladeen works at the grocery store. The jokes are about 40/60 where maybe 40% fall flat but the other 60% kill. The other actors in this flick are pretty solid, Jason Mantzoukas plays a dissident nuclear scientist who was banished for not building a missile with pointy tops. Anna Farris plays the feminist grocery store owner and she’s alright, at times her balance with Cohen isn’t there, it gets better as they get more screen time, but something felt off. There are also some great cameo’s from Edward Norton and Megan Fox.

So it is very funny, prepare yourself because there are some very racist jokes in this and crude humor is for sure in your face… Literally. I would suggest waiting and renting this film since it’s run time struggles to break 80 minutes. It’s not really Cohen’s best work, but I oddly prefer this straight up film to his previous work.

Rating: 5/10

Weekend Box Office: May 18-20th

You sunk my battleship! Sorry I had to say it. Even with a world wide gross of $230 million the board game adaptation struggled to gain any water here in the States. The film opened with a $25.3 million debut. Standing tall a third straight weekend was The Avengers which added another $55 million to it’s total. As of right now the world wide total of $1.18 billion… That’s not that impressive… I’m joking it’s very impressive. When it coms to battleship you have to feel for Taylor Kitsch who seems like a nice guy and a solid actor, yet after John Carter and now this opening, he’s agent is going to have to scramble.

A big surprise is that the new Sacha Baron Cohen film The Dictator could only laugh up about $17.4 million over the weekend. It opened Wednesday so it’s total is $24.4 million. The film wasn’t a bank buster in production but it still must have been surprising to see it open with this much of a whimper.

Dark Shadows also proved it really didn’t have much legs. It added another $12.7 million to its total which now sits at $50.9 million, they’ll have to hope that the holiday weekend will bring in more ticket sales for the film to have a hope for breaking $100 million.

A real big surprise is the film What to Expect When You’re Expecting, which I guess was planning on doing counter programming at the box office, well that didn’t work out very well for them as it only could birth $10.5 million. Now the film might have legs as word of mouth continues but it will be no blockbuster. Now the film The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel only opened in 178 screens but found itself in the top ten with $3.2 million, very impressive.

It’s interesting to see that movie goers are not spreading the love, they are sticking with one block buster(The Avengers). Will see if that changes next week as MIB3 comes out. Now for some reason the hype around that film hasn’t been huge so will see if the boys in black can knock out our band of super heroes.

Here is the list…

1. The Avengers $55 million

2. Battleship $25.3 million

3. The Dictator $17.4 million

4. Dark Shadows $12.7 million

5. What to Expect When You’re Expecting $10.5 million

6. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel $3.2 million

7. The Hunger Games $3 million

8. Think Like a Man $1.7 million

9. The Lucky One $1.7 million

10. The Pirates! Band of Misfits $1.4 million

Movie Review: Battleship

So a movie is based off a board game, what can go wrong? A lot actually. Where to start with this flick? Well I guess will just start at the beginning, we open in 2005 where I guess NASA even though I don’t think we’re suppose to believe it was them, sent a satelite into space to send a signal to very Earth like planet across the universe. At this same time we meet Alex Hopper(Taylor Kitsch) and his brother Stone(Alexander Skarsgard) who is busy giving Alex a stern talking to about responsibility. Problem is once Brooklyn Decker walks in he ignores his brother and attempts to hit on her. She for some odd reason she REALLY wants a chicken burrito. So of course Alex breaks into a 7/11 to get one, the police show up and taze him. Somehow this random nonsense wakes Alex up and his brother demands he joins the Navy… Yes this is how the movie begins.

Finally we skip to present day where five alien ships pick up on the signal and shoot straight for Earth. Their “communication” ship is damaged and crashes into China. This one scene is what they use mostly in the trailer even though in the movie it’s a total accident. The other four ships land in the middle of the ocean, conveniently at the same time the Navy is doing a gigantic naval exercise including Canadian and Japanese ships(those are the only one’s we’re shown). The aliens create a force field around Hawaii and themselves. This looks in the Hooper brothers on two different destroyers and one Japanese ship.

Things get really weird after all of this. So while Hooper and the other ships take on the aliens what is the rest of the world doing? Well nothing. The rest of the Navy and the American/World militaries just sit around and do totally nothing while all of this happens. We follow Liam Neeson who leads the Navy and the dude is obviously mailing his performance in big time.

The acting all together is pretty tame, Kitsch really tries to be an action hero here but his lines are so terribly there is no way to act out of it. Brooklyn Decker doesn’t have much to do besides look the way she does so her character does and says very little. Amazingly Rihanna is the only one here who seems to try. Now it’s her first movie so obviously she would try harder, but while everyone was either stale or on the wrong note, she seemed to be the only one having fun with such a stupid and crazy movie.

Now the aliens are of course the most interesting part of the film and almost everything they do is a head scratcher. I now believe it was a dig at American foreign policy, since the aliens do exactly the same thing the military does. The aliens arrive, only attack ships when they are attacked. When they attack the island of Hawaii they take out military copters and planes and highways, otherwise they avoid civilian casualties. When the aliens face down with people, if you don’t attack them they don’t attack you. Frankly this comes off rather, well oddly, as the Navy is very aggressive in attacking them and if it wasn’t for the destruction many might think the aliens are the under dogs. Their look is rather interesting, they essentially look like UFC fighters. Bald, human, lizard eyes, goatees(I’m serious) and like six fingers.

Where I was impressed was how they snuck in the connections to the board game. I don’t think anyone screams “You sunk my battleship!” but we do get scenes where gunners essentially use the “F 11″ system. The missiles the aliens use also look like the pegs from the board game which is kind of cool I guess.

The worst part of the film is it’s filled with pandering and very corny moments involving veterans. One moment where they enlist veterans to work on the battleship to fight the aliens. I get why they did this, but it comes off so badly and you just feel weird while watching it.  The film is just terrible, Kitsch is solid and Rihanna is surprising. There are some cool moments and I found the aliens interesting even though the film never addresses what their eventual plan is and why they look like roid raging UFC fighters.

Rating: 3/10

 

Movie Review: The Avengers

It all started with the film Iron Man, Marvel Studio’s set the map for the eventual team up film based on the comics. From there we had a second Iron Man, Thor, Hulk and Captain America films. Each were pretty good but really have all been created for this film. Well I can say very easily that this project is a success. This film has changed everything. Comic book movies will never be the same again. This is all thanks to writer and director Joss Whedon, who mixed comedy with action and has made a film that is frankly rather epic.

The plot is Loki(Villain from Thor) has connected with an alien race. They make a deal. If Loki can open a gateway to Earth through the use of an energy cube, they can dominate the universe, Loki will get to rule the Earth. SHIELD, a secret agency with the goal of defending mankind from super powered jerks, sets up a plan to team Super Heroes together to defend the planet. Nick Fury(Samuel L. Jackson) leads SHIELD and bring in several agents like Black Widow(Scarlett Johannson) and Hawkeye(Jeremy Renner) to bring in other heroes. Captain America(Chris Evans) is held up after the events of his own film. Iron Man(Robert Downey Jr.) is busy building his empire. Dr. Bruce Banner/Hulk(Mark Ruffalo) is hiding out to try and avoid hurting anyone.

What is hard to explain about this film is that the balance is perfect. Every actor and character gets their own good amount of screen time. Ego’s clash, heroes fight, while the villain sits back and enjoys the show. I would suggest seeing this film twice simply to listen to the funny dialogue the characters throw at each other.

A stand out here is Mark Ruffalo, his first swing at playing Banner really gives this film balance. All the other heroes pretty much enjoy their abilities. Banner does not. He essentially hates himself and Ruffalo does a fantastic job at bringing this across. Chris Evans also impressed me, a lot of it was the script, but as a fan of the character he is Captain America in my eyes.

Not surprising the strongest part of the film is the third act. When the alien invasion starts and the Avengers must team together and fight, it’s one of the most impressive action sequences to ever go on screen. The details and time that was put into this film is staggering. You’ll be jumping in your seat, you’ll cheer, you’ll shake your head and chuckle and then say: “No way!” or “awesome!”.

The only nitpicks here are some cardboard acting by some SHIELD agents and a score that can be forgotten instantly. These are so minor though I probably shouldn’t have brought them up. The film is the best comic book film to date simply because it has everything. Loki(Tom Hiddleston) eats up his scenes and is such a strong villain here. You won’t be able to help smile when he faces off with his brother Thor or tries to take down Captain America.

Do yourself a favor and see this movie on the big screen…

Rating: 10/10

Movie Review: The Five-Year Engagement

This film has been struggling to sell itself(so much so it added lines about The Hunger Games just to gain interest), so it basically tried to ride the Bridesmaids gravy train, it’s a shame it did that because in a way this film is way more real than that flick. Here we have Tom(Jason Segel) and Violet(Emily Blunt) who met at a weird costume party, they are a perfect couple, know each other and are generally just cute. Tom proposes to her and it’s a dream come true, Violet though is offered a position at the University of Michigan, Tom insists on turning down a prestigious chef’s job in San Francisco. Once living in Michigan he can’t get over the fact that he could be working and living in San Francisco, the relationship struggles and the engagement keeps getting pushed back.

Now I know that none of that plot actually sounds funny, but there are many small moments that will make you laugh. The fact that this movie never really treats the audience as dumb, there are some dirty jokes but they actually seem natural. Nothing really is ever forced here. Jason Segel plays a very real man here, one that is in love and simply can’t seem to see the great thing that is front of him. Instead seems more focused on where he isn’t living or isn’t doing. His reactions kind of fall flat. He grows a beard and becomes a hunter and just becomes, well slightly odd. It’s the weakest point in the film. I understand they needed to physically show how much Tom didn’t like his situation, just wish they picked something else.

Violet’s story is never cliche’d, she cares very much about what Tom wants, willing to turn down chances in her career just to make him happy. Her character’s problem is really that she never really tries to help Tom out of his funk. Simply lets him do it while she hangs out with her new friends. Resentment builds between them and it does come off as natural.

The comedy flows out from the rest of the cast, Allison Brie who sports a British accent is rather funny when she is on screen. Chris Pratt plays her husband and friend of Tom. His character is simply an ass hole, but very funny and his dialogue keeps the comedy flowing through the film. Chris Parnell and Kevin Hart show up in Michigan and add some laughs as well. A stand out though is Rhys Ifans, soon to be in The Amazing Spider-man as The Lizard, here he plays Violet’s supervisor at the University. His character could have simply been a one note jerk, instead he’s rather charming and real.

The film’s cast is the strong suit, the script seem cluttered and even though the film is strong it’s very long. The problem it also has is that it’s a story that you’ll feel like you’ve seen before. Still the love story here is very real and stronger than most romantic films that have come out recently. This movie is good, a little long, but over all worth a look.

Review : 7.5/10

Weekend Box Office: April 27-29th

This was a really slow weekend… Really slow, maybe people are just waiting for The Avengers next weekend. The number one film again was Think Like A Man as it made $18 million over the weekend. The film has reached $60 million which is really strong since the film only cost a little over $12 million to produce. More surprising to me is that the film The Pirates! Band of Misfits landed in second with $11.4 million. Might not seem very impressive but the film really didn’t have a strong ad campaign and has made over $63 million over seas already. The man behind Wallace and Gromit made this so I’m hoping for the best for it.

Zac Efron’s romantic flick The Lucky One rounded up $11.3 million after having a decent opening weekend. The film may not have the legs The Vow did but it’s still going pretty strong. Behind it was the The Hunger Games which has made enough money already lets admit it. The big surprise for me is that The Fire-Year Engagement made only $11 million. Thought this film would have opened big. It’s budget wasn’t large and I’m sure word of mouth will help it out.

Jason Statham’s action movie Safe and the Poe thriller The Raven really didn’t seem to engage anyone, because both films struggle to reach $8 million. It seems like no one really wanted to go to the movies this weekend. Maybe the NBA and NHL playoffs had a piece in this… Who knows. I’m sure next week that will all change.

Here is the list…

1. Think Like A Man $18 million

2. The Pirates! Band of Misfits $11.4 million

3. The Lucky One $11.3 million

4. The Hunger Games $11.1 million

5. The Five-Tear Engagement $11 million

6. Safe $7.7 million

7. The Raven $7.2 million

8. Chimpanzee $5.4 million

9. The Three Stooges $5.3 million

10. The Cabin in the Woods $4.5 million

 

Weekend Box Office: April 20-22nd

The what beat The Hunger Games? I’lld admit I don’t know a lot about the film titled “Think Like a Man” made $33 million bucks over the weekend. Just to prove how much of a surprise this is the studio was expecting to not even make half that much. The book it’s based off of it very popular and stand up comedian Kevin Hart may have talked a lot of people into checking this out. Still this weekend was suppose to be quiet as the summer movie explosion is approaching, this is a good sign for studio’s who may see some serious big wins before we even get half way into May.

Zac Efron’s The Lucky One won over people’s hearts and made a very solid $22 million over the weekend. This film may really help launch Efron, his career hit a road bump when audiences wildly ignored Charlie St. Cloud. It will be interesting to see if the film will have legs like the recent romantic film The Vow did, that film now sits at $124 million.

The Hunger Games dropped to third, don’t be too sad for Katniss and crew though, the film still hunted up about $14 million. The film now sits at a total of $356 million and is close to breaking the $400 million bench mark. This franchise is obviously one of the strongest to come around recently.

The rest of the box office is rather shrug worthy. Families came out and supported Chimpanzee, which is really good and the film rounded up $10 million bucks. The Three Stooges dropped pretty hard but still made $9.2 million over the weekend and has almost made $30 million over all, which is a surprise to me. Sadly The Cabin in the Woods hasn’t exactly gained strong legs adding only $7.7 million to its total. To the films credit though it’s a genre film that a hard time marketing itself. So maybe you take the almost $30 million made as a huge win.

Next week a flurry of movies come out to try and make some cash before the summer battle begins, the list is huge: Safe, The Raven, Bernie, The Pirates! Band of Misfits, The Five Year Engagement… I mean there is simply not enough room for all of these movies. Should be interesting to see how things play out.

Here is the list…

1. Think Like a Man $33 million

2. The Lucky One $22.8 million

3. The Hunger Game $14.5 million

4. Chimpanzee $10.2 million

5. The Three Stooges $9.2 million

6. The Cabin in the Woods $7.7 million

7. American Reunion $5.2 million

8. Titanic 3D $5 million

9. 21 Jump Street $4.6 million

10. Mirror Mirror $4.1 million

Iron Man 3 villain confirmed…

I loved the first Iron Man film. It’s really just a perfect comic book movie. Minus maybe the villain being a little tame at the end, the film as a whole is strong. Iron Man 2 went the other direction. Whiplash was a strong villain, with on the greatest scenes ever(Whiplash attacking Stark on the race track). The movie though was too cluttered and just all over the place. Now Jon Favreau is out and Shane Black is in.

To me the next and obvious villain for Iron Man would be Mandarin. The terrorist group from the first film was named “The Ten Rings”. Black though has come out stating Mandarin in the comics was pretty racist(it’s true), the character was just a walking Chinese stereotype. No one would want that. I would love to have the terrorist leader return, now having ten powerful rings and goes after Iron Man on a personal level.

Instead though it has been confirmed that Sir Ben Kingsley has landed the role as the main villain, and that he won’t be Mandarin. Now mind you that could not be true. Rumor is though that Kingsley’s character would be involved in the spread of a virus of nanobots. Sorry that is just not as cool as the Mandarin.

Movie Review: American Reunion

Time passes quickly, this is very clear in the fourth installment(Not including the straight to DVD messes). Everyone is back, even minor characters have returned. We’re back following our leads, Jim(Jason Biggs), Oz(Chris Klein), Finch(Eddie Kaye Thomas), Kevin(Thomas Ian Nicholas) and Stifler(Seann William Scott) as they all come back home for a delayed high school reunion, which of course leads to booze and shenanigans. It’s amazing that the first American Pie came out in 1999. That film is a comedy classic, it just is, the characters are hilarious and it nailed high school in the 90′s perfectly. The sequel is a great vacation movie, and still very fun it doesn’t match up to the first. The third film sadly fails, American Wedding has some good laughs but at that time not all of the cast wanted to be involved. Most of the actors from the franchise haven’t exactly had booming careers. So it’s clear why everyone came back for this film.

What is very fun is the directors this time around are Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg who made Harold and Kumar 2 are behind Reunion. Unlike the crazy Harold and Kumar films this one is very grounded. The best thing about it is how grounded it is at first. All these guys are in their thirties. This time period in life is weird and the movie hits this perfectly. Some guys are married, some have kids, some can’t let the past be the past. A very fun arch is Jim’s, in the first film he was struggling to get laid, now married with a kid he’s finding himself having the same problem. Amazingly though the character with the biggest arch is Stifler, he has to realize that the young party days are over and it’s actually very impressive how they pull it off.

Now of course there are gross jokes here, some nudity, and just over all a large amount of sex jokes across the board. Nothing seems too extreme here. Jim’s major problem is a girl he used to baby sit just turned eighteen and wants him to be her first. This of course leads to some very tense situations. This movie isn’t a laugh riot but when it hits, it hits.

Problem is not every character can be fleshed out in a film like this. Oz’s character is paper thin even when they give him an extremely hot girl friend. Kevin is a stay at home husband and his run in with Vicky(Tara Reid) is short and barely used like it should have been. Finch does have a twist or two in his character that really helps the movie move along and end on a high note.

In the end if you’re a fan of the American Pie movies, you’ll like this film. It does not work as a stand alone comedy, most of the jokes are connected to the first film. Still it does it’s job, it’s not just a reunion for the characters, it’s for everyone. I couldn’t help but suddenly remember 1999 and high school. I miss it just as much as the characters in the film do. Oh and yeah if you’re wondering… Stifler’s mom makes an appearance.

Rating: 6/10